Let God define good

A teacher shared this in morning devotionals one day and it has really stuck with me.
"Doubt swallows faith partially because of the way many Christians define what is and what is not 'good.'  We have a tendency to plan out the good in ours and our loved ones' lives.  We decide that going to college after high school is good.  We decide that getting a job that pays well right after college is good.  Buying a car, owning a house, getting married, and a few years later starting our families is all good, good, good, and good!  We have it all planned out.  Then when something that is not good--say, our children don't go to college but join the army instead, or we're diagnosed with cancer, or our husband runs off with another woman or our mother has Alzheimer's, or...When those things happen we fret, we worry, we cry out to God, and we question His goodness and His love.  What might happen if we let God define good?"  'Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy.  Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands.--Elisabeth Elliot'.  

I am 26 years old and not married, shoot, I've never even dated, but I need to be okay with that, and trust that God has a much better plan for me.  I believe He put the desire for marriage and a family in my heart, but I also believe He wants me to fully give Him that part of my life, to trust Him completely with it.  So, even with all my friends getting engaged and married, it doesn't mean that it's His time for me.  Society says that good is getting married soon after college, but what God says is good is immeasurably more and it will be worth the wait.  Will it be an easy wait?  No, not at all.  But I need lay it down at His feet each and every day and trust that He loves me, He knows the desires of my heart, and that He knows what's best for me.  I need to stop fretting and worrying because my life doesn't look like those around me, or because my life doesn't look like what society says it should look like.  I shouldn't be caring what society thinks anyway, I should only be caring what God thinks. I should be striving to please Him not others or society.  When I didn't get a job when I thought I would I questioned God, I worried, I wondered if He really had a plan for my life.  And even with all that doubt, He still blessed me with a wonderful job at a Christian school with an amazing, supportive staff.  I am so thankful I didn't get some of the other jobs I applied for, the wait was worth it.  Looking back, it would have been so much better to have just trusted God in the first place and not questioned Him.  Just a few months ago a job became available at a school overseas I have wanted to teach at for years!  Getting into the application and waiting process, I found myself doubting and questioning God all over again.  But I made a decision to pray and let it go and if it's in God's plan for me to go that He would allow things to fall into place.  And so far, there's been a few moments of anxiousness, but overall, it has been such a blessing to just trust God with it, whatever the outcome.    
Sometimes I get so stuck on where I want my life to go that I forget to actually live in the here and now.  I am so busy thinking about what my future could be that I miss opportunities to show Christ to people right now.  I want that peace, that inward peace that comes from "a heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him."   

So, ask yourself, what might happen if we let God define good?

1st week of school done

I'm in my second full week of school and things are rolling.  I finally have my daily schedule finalized, it only took me all of last week.  I am really enjoying everything and I have a great class of students, but I am definitely exhausted (mentally) at the end of each day.  I have had 2 migraines in the past 2 weeks and I have had a headache every day this week.  I am learning and practicing different management techniques and it's a challenge, but I am improving each day.  There is still a lot I have to learn, but thankfully I have been blessed with an incredible mentor teacher who is willing to help me with anything and is always encouraging me and is even willing to listen to me vent about my frustrations.  The other teaching staff as well as the administration are also very supportive.  God has greatly blessed me with this job!!  I don't have recess duties which is nice, and every day the students go to what they call a "special"--art, music, PE, and health--and so I get prep time then too.  I take student volunteers to open our day in prayer and most days I wish I could record their prayers; they are so precious!  They use children language, but their prayers are so sincere and the way they say things is just so cute.
Tonight was parent night where the just the parents came to my classroom and I introduced myself again, talked about the curriculum we use, my classroom routines and management strategies, etc.  I was super nervous and very intimidated.  Every insecurity I have ever felt came back in full force and doubts filled my thoughts.  I seem to have this need for everyone to like me and if someone doesn't I take it super personally. I spend so much time worrying about what others think of me that I forget that it only matters what God thinks of me.  Through prayer and encouragement from the other teachers I made it through tonight and it actually went well.  I got positive feedback from the parents and feel like I communicated well how much I care for their children and how I want God to be the center of my classroom.  However, it is a HUGE relief to have that over with, I've been stressing over it all week.  
Cute/funny student quotes of the week:  "Miss Baggett, come here I want to tell you a secret....(whispers in my ear) did you know that stars are actually round?"  "Why are you wearing a scarf INSIDE?"  my response "It's........decoration."
One of my students who came to parent night tonight on her way out "You're the best teacher ever!" and then her little sister who's in preschool turns to me, wags her finger at me and says "Yah, you know you're the best teacher!"  So cute! :)

I still haven't found a place to live, though I am still searching, and I have faith that God will provide.  I thought I would share some pictures of my room, so here are a few.

The couple that I am living with, Dwight and Shelley, until I find a place are also a HUGE blessing!!  They are so wonderful and are super supportive and fun.  Shelley is on the board of the local farmer's market and so on Saturday, for most of the day, I helped out at one of the booths.  At the booth, there was this paint spinner, where you put a piece of paper on a spinner and as it's spinning you drizzle paint on and it makes cool designs.  This was a free activity for kids at the farmer's market to come and do.  It was really fun!  There were several lulls where no kids would come and I used those times to experiment with the paint spinner, making my own creations.  One of those times I was trying to use the blue paint (it was almost empty so not much was coming out) and when I squeezed the bottle nothing came out so I thought it would be a good idea to squeeze it harder.  Now keep in mind that the spinner is spinning this whole time.  Much to my surprise, the lid of the paint bottle popped off and was flung around in the spinner until I managed to turn the spinner off.  There was blue paint EVERYWHERE!  And by everywhere, I mean all over me.  I had it in my hair, on my face, on my arms, and on my clothes.  My comment to the guys that were working the booth with me was "I like to wear my favorite color.....all over."  My thought was "only me, this would only happen to me."  It was pretty hilarious.  Here are two of the ones I made, the one with a blue background was the paper that was in there when the blue exploded...

For those of you who weren't aware, there was a big solar flare recently that would supposedly make the northern lights visible to parts of the US where you wouldn't normally be able to see them.  Friday was supposed to be the best night, but Sat was also supposed to be a good night (well, that's what I read at first, though apparently that changed).  On Friday, I mentioned that seeing the northern lights was on my bucket list.  So, on Saturday, we drove up to Bellingham, WA, which is about a 2 hour drive north to see if we could see anything.  We found a good spot where we could see, but we never did see anything.  However, to make the drive worth it, there's this pizza place Dwight and Shelley had been to before called Fat Pie Pizza.  We ordered this pizza called 57 Packard, that had a deep dish crust, chicken, caramelized onions, Gorgonzola cheese, basil, and bacon.  It was the best pizza I have ever had in my life!!  It was so yummy.  

Ramblings of a new teacher

For those of you that want to follow my first year as a teacher, I am going to try to keep up a blog of my experiences.  
As I was thinking about blogging again, I came across this blog I wrote 4 years ago and it was a good reminder...... 

(9/24/2010) Lately I’ve really been struggling with constantly putting myself down. Nothing I do is good enough for me, everyone else is better than me. I find myself constantly comparing myself to those around me and in my mind I am always falling short. I am full of insecurities about who I am. For example, I love playing the piano, it's my way to relax and melt away my stress. But lately, I hear others playing and all I can think about is how much better they are then me and that causes me to analyze and criticize my own playing which does not make it very relaxing. I came across this quote the other day "Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth.  If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely."  

That last part of the quote is precisely my problem recently. I don’t accept who I am. I feel like I don’t measure up and that if I truly let go and be myself around people that they won’t accept me for me. I want so badly to be accepted and loved that a lot of the time I try to change who I am. It’s okay to change things about yourself, but not if the reason is because you think someone else will like you better for it.  I know I’m probably not the only one that that struggles with this, but sometimes it sure feels like it. I look around at all these beautiful girls who appear confident and appear to have it all together and then I see me and practically see the opposite. I just feel awkward all the time and I think what is wrong with me? 

I need to be looking ultimately to God for this love and acceptance I desire because only He can give that unconditional love and no matter how I act or how much I mess up, He still loves and accepts me for me. God is the one I should be looking to for approval, not man; I should be striving to be more and more like Christ, not man.  And this is comforting to know that even if everyone hated me (which isn’t true, but if it was) God would still be there with open arms waiting for me to run in. 

Starting a new teaching job, I find myself focusing again on all the things I am doing wrong and I get the overwhelming feeling that I can't do this, what were these people thinking hiring me?!  I compare myself to other teachers and think, "I will never be as good as them."  But, I am my own person, I have my own teaching style that aligns with my unique personality.  I am not them, so I have no business comparing myself to them.  And, I CAN do this.  I can do this through Christ who strengthens me.  For 2 years, I prayed for God to provide the perfect teaching job for me.  He answered my prayer above and beyond what I expected.  I work with an INCREDIBLE group of teachers that support me, pray with me, and help me; I have a great group of students; and I get to teach about God!  God provided me with this opportunity, and He will be with me every step of the way.  I need to stop focusing on my failings, and start focusing on God.  God led me here, He has a purpose for me and my job is to trust that He will give me the tools I need for this job.  

Últimos dias en Ecuador

Thursday was my first day in a new school: LeTort, which is another private school.  It was an interesting day.  I was placed with a science teacher who isn't even teaching because they're done with all their work at this point.  The students are simply practicing their scripts for an upcoming science fair.  I was rather frustrated at first, but it's gotten better since then. 

Friday we left to Baños bright and early in the morning.  We made our first stop along the way at a place called Cafe de la Vaca which literally means cafe of the cow.  Everything was cow themed, it was AWESOME!!  The food was quite delicious as well.  Also, there was this sweet mini zipline out in back of this cafe that was super fun.  Our next stop was for helado (ice cream).  And we pulled over at a few random places along the way so we could get pictures of different things such as the volcano at Baños erupting.  Well, it is not erupting persay, it's more just spewing ash.  Luckily though, the air was not ashy at all, we all had bought masks just in case.  We arrived in Baños around 1pm and had about 30min to settle in before lunch.  The rooms there were awesome.  They had the standard bed and bathroom, but then each room (well, most of them) had a loft with a bed or two up there, so of course, that is where I slept.  After lunch a group of us hiked up the mountain to the spa there called Luna Runtun.  There was an option to take the bus, but some of us decided to be adventerous and hike.  It was an intense hike, very steep most of the way up, but there was a few breaks where it flatened out slightly.  What made it worse was the altitude, I was already out of breath before I even reached the trail.  We made it to the spa sweaty and tired, and just in the nick of time for our massage appointments.  That night we took what's called a Chiva bus (a bus people usually rent to drive them around playing music and they can party on it or whatever) up to a place where we were supposed to be able to see the volcano.  It was actually the halfway point to the spa that we had hiked past earlier.  Unfortunately, it was too cloudy too see the volcano. 

Saturday a group of us went for a horseback ride.  It was super fun and was a two hour ride for only $20!  The horses were not very big, they were rather small and were trained to almost exclusively respond to just the guide.  I could make the horse turn left and right and stop, but it wouldn't go faster unless prompted by the guide.  After that a few of us girls went to get pedicures and/or manicures.  I got both and it was only $8 total....WAY WAY cheaper than the states.  That afternoon we left Baños and headed back home.  Once again, we stopped for ice cream, but that was the only stop we made on the way back.

Sunday I went with a group of friends up to Teleferiqo, which is a cable car that goes up a mountain to give a overall view from above of Quito.  It was a little cloudy at first, but as we got up the mountain, the clouds began to lift.  We got a fairly clear view of Quito, not really of the surrounding mountains as there were still clouds over those but the view was fantastic just the same.  I didn´t realize how big Quito was.  We hiked around for a while at the top and then headed back down.  On the way back down it was kind of eerie in that the clouds were so thick all you could see out of the cable car's window was white.  After we got down, we went to the central older part of Quito and walked around for a while and had lunch, then went back home.  My host mom's son, wife, and 6 year old son came over and we ordered Chinese food.  It was not very good Chinese food.....That 6 year old is so darn cute!  They left around 8-9, but left a movie called Unstoppable for my host mom and I to watch.  It was a great movie, but very suspenseful and unfortunately, at one of the very suspensful parts, the power went out and we had to wait for it to come back on to find out what happened.  Luckily, the power wasn't out for very long.

More Ecuador

Friday´s are free days for us, unless we have a trip planned, like next weekend we´re going to Baños.  This Friday (May 13th), I went to ACLAS to finish up some homework and happened to meet up with three other George Foxians.  We decided to go back to the old central part of Quito where we had the night tour the first Monday we were here.  However, this time, since it was in the day, we would be able to go inside several of the churches rather than just see them from the outside.  They were so magnificent!!  Words cannot describe the ornateness and amazing architecture of these churches.  On the way to the churches we passed the building that the President works in I guess you could say.  Last time we went by there, it was calm, no one was really around.  This time however, there were guards, all dressed up in big hats and the works lined up along the balcony railing and there was a band with giant horns and drums and there were also armed guards (one of them chose to stare at us very intently from the balcony, kind of intimidating since he had a big gun).  The crowd was being diverted around the stairs up to the balcony of this building and so there was quite a pile up of people.  We finally asked someone what was going on, and apparently, the president of Panama was there to talk something out with the president of Ecuador.

Friday night my host parents and Jessica and her host parents (my neighbors and my host parents good friends) went again to the old central part of Quito to a street called La Rhonda (spelling might be a little off, but you get the idea).  This street is very lively at night.  There are tons of street vendors, music coming from every bar and restaurant you pass, food vendors, and lots of people.  We walked around for a while, then went into a restaurant and got some empanadas that were fabulously delicious!  We did not get back home  until 1am!!  Which wouldn´t have been a problem except that I had to get up at 5:30 the next morning.

Saturday, we went to Otavalo, which is a place that has a huge market where 100s of people set up booths to sell stuff.  This stuff ranged from food to scarves to musical instruments to clothes, etc.  It was pretty overwhelming!  On the way there we stopped at this place that makes figurines out of marzipan.  I found a couple super cute cows that I got....haha.  We spent about 2 hours in Otavalo shopping and walking around, then we headed out for lunch.  Lunch was at this hotel a little ways outside of Otavalo, it was so beautiful.  I have many pictures, but unfortunately, as I´ve said before, I have no way of sharing those pics until I get back home.  We could choose between steak or fish for the main course and of course there was soup before that and actually, there was also empanadas before the soup.  For dessert it was this cake with a berry sorbet type thing on top.  It was pretty good, I liked the sorbet stuff better than the cake, but then I´m not much of a cake person to begin with so....After lunch, we went to this lake that is made in the top of an old volcano.  We took a boat ride around the "lagoon" (that´s what they called it, but it´s not what I would normally think of as a lagoon) and the boat stopped a couple times so we could see the bubbles rising in the water.  Even though the volcano is dormant, it still kind of heats the water.  After that we headed home, stopping at one more place: a town that´s famous for it´s leather.  While there, this group of little kids ran by singing somos tontos, somos tontos, which in English is we are stupid.  They seemed to be having a grand time and it was funny to hear them singing that. 

One thing about Quito is that there are stray dogs everywhere, and I mean everywhere.  We were specifically told not to touch them because they are probably diseased and might bite us, but they are soooo cute.  I´ve taken some pictures of a few of them.  I wish I could take them all home with me.  My host mom told me that once when she was at her country house, she had 11 dogs at once because she´d take in all the strays that came by!

Sunday, my host parents and I went with Jessica and her host parents to Jessica's host parents' country home.  It was about 40 minutes outside of Quito out in the country.  It was very different than the apartments we live in in Quito.  It was beautiful.  They have a garden with avacado plants, lime and lemon plants, peach trees, lettuce, zucchini, peppers, tomatos de arbol (tomatos from a tree, more a fruit, not at all like our tomato), carrots, and much more.  The house is very spacious compared to the apartment.  We had chicken for lunch there and it was a very interesting way to cook the chicken.  They rubbed something that looked and smelled like a pesto sauce all over the whole chicken (and it was a HUGE chicken, like Turkey sized chicken) and then sat the chicken upright over a can of open beer.  Then they placed that on a flat pan over a charcoal fire and put a giant flower pot looking thing over the top of the chicken and let it cook for 2 hours.  We also had emapanadas, salad and corn.  It was super delicious.  And then for dessert, they had made popsicle like things out of tamarind juice and some out of chocolate.  They were also super good!  After we ate we played cards.  It was a game very similar to phase 10.  It was a lot of fun and I won!!  We stayed at the house until about 7-8pm, then returned to Quito. 

Monday was another day in Tomas Moro.  I was with 1st and 2nd graders this time.  After class, the teacher asked me if I could come up with an acitivity that helped teach the long and short a sounds.  She said they pretty much had the short a sound down, but were still working on learning the long a sound and recognizing that the two sounds came from the same letter.  She wanted me to teach this activity on Tuesday. 

So Tuesday, I taught my activity to that class of 1st and 2nd graders.  My two George Fox professor were there to watch me so they can write me a letter of recommendation basically saying how I taught in a classroom in Ecaudor, etc.  For the activity, I found a short poem in the school's library called The Name of the Game and it had many long as well as short a sounds throughout.  I read the poem once to the class and told them to really be listening to when they here the long a (which I sounded out for them) and the short a sound (which I also sounded out for them).  Then I told them I was going to read the poem again, but this time, I wanted them to do a motion when they heard the different a sounds.  For the long a, I had them glide their hand through the air (it´s hard to explain in writing....haha) and for the short a, I had them make a fist and pump their arm up and down a few times.  After that second reading, I started a list on the board of short and long a sound words and then let the students add to the list.  I think it went fairly well.  The teacher told me she was going to keep using those motions because she liked them so much.  I actually ended up teaching this lesson again later in the afternoon as I was with the same teacher, but in a different classroom.  She asked me to teach my activity to this class (which was also 1st and 2nd graders, but a different class).  This second time it did not go as well, mostly because the kids in this class were more out of control, but overall, it probably still went okay.  The teachers at Tomas Moro were so welcoming and so ready to include us in everything.  It was a great experience and I hope my experience at LeTort is also a great one.  I was also very much impressed with the level of English the students were at.  Tuesday night I participated in Salsa dancing lessons with 5 other George Fox students.  It was a blast and I actually caught on a lot faster than I thought I would.  We also learned the first half of a traditional Ecuadorian dance.  We have another class next Tuesday where we'll learn  the second half.

Wednesday was my last day in Tomas Moro.  My time there was so short, I wish I could have been there much longer, or at least for full school days (we leave at noon each day, but the students stay until 2:30).  For lunch my host mom told me the night before that we would have Spaghetti.  Well, the lady who comes and cooks lunch came up to my room to tell me lunch was ready and as I went down the stairs, I see this plate of bright pink stuff with a greenish brown blob on top......I had no idea what to think.  Well, it turns out it was Spaghetti, just not Spaghetti like I was thinking.  Apparently the noodles are pink because they're made from Tomatos.  I´ve seen reddish noodles before that are made from tomato, but not bright pink.  And the green blob was a meat, onion, etc. mixture.  It was actually really good.  This time there was Strawberry juice which was of course delicious.  Wednesday night I played cards with my host mom, my host sister and her boyfriend.  They ordered pizza and coke as well.  It was the same card game that I played when I went to Jessica´s host parents country home.  However, this time I did not do so well, I lost big time....haha, the beginners luck wore off I guess.  Well, the loser gets to buy the food for next weeks game, so in this case, that´s me. 
 

Los Primeras Dias en Ecuador

Tuesday, we had a second orientation at ACLAS in the morning, just going over some last minute details and details of our trips.  The guy who talked about our trips only spoke in Spanish....he knows English, but the rule at ACLAS is that we are not really supposed to speak English.  That way we can practice our Spanish and really start to learn it.  However, since I don´t speak much, there were several times I didn´t  understand what he was saying, but for the most part, I got the gist of it.  After orientation we went to the Equtor.  On the way we ate lunches that our host parent´s had packed for us.  In mine I had these chips that were pretty much like potato chips, but were made from plantains.  They were delicious!  We had a tour guide lead us around and talk about various things.  There were a couple different kinds of sundials that were pretty neat to see.  When it is noon, the sun is straight up in the sky and creates no shadow when on the Equator.  There was also a challenge to ballance an egg on a nail head.  I successfully balanced the egg and got a neat little certificate.  In one of the little huts we toured through there, there was a pin with a bunch of guinea pigs running around--babies and bigger ones.  We asked the tour guide if they were for eating and she said yes, so then we asked "even the babies?"  She responded with "Sure....guinea nuggets." 
After we got back from the equator we went back to our host houses.  My host parents invited me to watch a movie with them.  Now, something about Ecaudor is that the main hang out spot in a lot of houses is the parents bedroom.  This was the case with my family.  So, we all went into their room and selected a movie called the Sentinel.  My host dad handed me the remote and said "language?"  And I replied with "Español of course!"  We also had the Spanish subtitles on, so being able to see and hear as well as have the picture to follow, I actually understood most of the movie. 
Wednesday was my first day in the schools.  I am in a private school first called Tomas Moro.  It is a good distance away from my house, so I take the school bus in the morning (the stop is right across the road from my house) and then mine or James´s (another guy in the George Fox program) host parent will pick us up at noon.  It´s been interesting so far.  For the most part the teachers move classrooms, not the students.  I´ve been mostly involved in the English classes, but I´ve also been involved in a Science class (which was also taught in English) and a Spanish class (where the kids were working on learning their Spanish).  I´ve observed many things that are different than in the US.  The teachers at this school wear more casual clothes than most teachers in the US and the relationship between them and their teachers is less formal.  In the states the teachers are most always Miss or Mr. something or Professor or Dr. something.  Here, it´s often a first name basis.  The kids are so cute and I love interacting with them.  I´ll be in this school for 5 days (so I have 3 more left) then I´ll be at another private school called LeTort which is fairly close to Tomas Moro. 
Wednesday night a bunch of us went to a cultural dance performace type thing called Jacchigua.  It was really interesting, but we were all so tired, it was hard to stay awake despite how interesting it was. 

The food here is very good.  So far, most lunches at my host house consist of a soup (usually a vegetable soup of sorts, but not like the veggie soups you might think of in the US, they´re a little different), then a meat such as chicken, pork, or fish along with some sort of veggie platter and also with rice.  Some days we will have dessert as well, such as gellatin or something.  Oh, and at my house, at lunch we have a freshly squeezed juice.  So far, I´ve had orange juice, papaya mixed with orange juice, kiwi juice, and mango juice all freshly squeezed.  They are so good, I don´t know how I´m going to go back to the processed and bottled juices in the states. 

Estoy en Ecuador!

As many of you know, through the George Fox Master´s for teaching program we are required to teach in a diverse population.  For mine, I chose the option to go to Ecuador for three weeks to teach in a Spanish classroom.  I left the states just yesterday at the bright early hour of 6:20am.  That meant that I had to be at the airport by around 4am, which in turn meant leaving my house around 2am.  I did not sleep as I thought it rather pointless to sleep for like 2 hours, I figured I´d just sleep on the plane.  ((I´m going to say now that the keyboard here is different slightly than the American one, so if there´s a typo or some wierd symbol, that´s why)).  I go to Quito, Ecuador at about 9:30pm.  They are two hours ahead of Oregon so that means it was about 7:30 Oregon time.  I was met there by my host family and went home with them.  My family is a husband and wife and one older daughter who still lives at home.  I have my own room which even has it´s own bathroom!!  I didn´t expect that so it was a nice surprise.  Quito is a beautiful city and I look forward to seeing more of it while here.  Today for lunch the housekeeper placed down a large bowl of soup on my plate.  It was very very good and I was thinking "wow, for people saying how much they feed you around here, this is a pretty normal amount of food".  Well, turns out that was just the appetizer.....haha, there was a plate of a veggie salad and pork and rice still to come.  I was so full, I'm glad I was gone for dinner so I didn´t have to eat more food.  Tonight we went to the old historical part of Quito and went on a short walking tour.  Unfortunately, I don´t have a way to post pics until I get back home, but they will come eventually.  So far it´s been a good experience, and I just found out I passed my ORELA that I took back in April (for those who don´t know that´s a huge test that teachers have to take and pass in Oregon to be able to teach).  Hopefully there´ll be many more posts to come.

Phew!

I finally finished everything with my grad school application. Yay!  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.  For the past two weeks I've been scrambling to finish and perfect my resume, the essay, and the application and to get all the materials together to send off.  And now after all that stressing, it's now officially out of my hands.  It's such a relief on one hand, but on the other hand it's nervewracking.  All I can do now is wait in anticipation and hope that I get accepted.

After the stress of recent and irritations and such, I decided to just get off campus and take a me day.  I went to my second home aka Barnes and Noble and was there for about 5 1/2 hours.  It was bliss. I studied, and read C.S. Lewis, listened to music...During the time I was there, there was these two people sitting at the two tables next to me who started conversing about beliefs and God and the Bible.  So I paused my ipod, but kept my headphones in so I could discreetly listen.  The man said that he was an anti-theist, not an atheist, an anti-theist.  He had some really interesting arguments, several of which I'd never heard before.  He cited specific scripture verses several times too, and I looked them up as he talked about them and some of them he was just taking completely out of context, but others had me thinking "what Bible did he read?"  It was really interesting.  There were several times I wanted to interject, but I was not sure enough of my knowledge to do that.  I hate that.  I want to be confident enough in my faith to be able to talk to people openly about it.  However, even if I would have been confident in this situation, the man seemed very set in his ways and not open to suggestion or in changing his viewpoints.  As he brought up new arguments and sub-points for each argument, I opened a word document and began typing out his conversation (unbeknownst to him of course).  Now I can take his arguments and study them and turn to the Bible so that next time I can perhaps feel more confident speaking about my faith.

I've been so busy lately that my priorities have gotten a little skewed.  I've pushed God to the sidelines and said "I'll get to Him when I have time."  I've really been working on changing this lately.  I'm beginning to feel distance from God and it's my fault and I don't like it.  I've started up daily time with God again, but half the time I don't know where to start.  I know that may sound silly, but that's how I feel.

We serve an awesome God!

I was recently going through old sermon notes and I found a quote my pastor made saying "God can grow roses out of life's manure." I really like how this quote is put. No matter how stinky and yucky life gets, God can make something as beautiful as a rose come from it. God can work even through our sin to fulfill his will. Wow, what an AWESOME God we serve!

Note to self: God loves me for me

So, I have decided I am going to try to keep up with my blog. Writing provides a release for feelings, thoughts and struggles that I’ve been holding inside. So here goes for my first post in like forever! Haha.

Lately I’ve really been struggling with constantly putting myself down. Nothing I do is good enough for me, everyone else is better than me. I find myself constantly comparing myself to those around me and in my mind I am always falling short. I am full of insecurities about who I am. For example, I love playing the piano, it's my way to relax and melt away my stress. But lately, I hear others playing and all I can think about is how much better they are then me and that causes me to analyze and criticize my own playing which does not make it very relaxing. I came across this quote the other day and the words ring true to me right now, but at the same time, they haven’t quite stuck yet. "Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as you see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different."

That last part of the quote is precisely my problem recently. I don’t accept who I am. I feel like I don’t measure up and that if I truly let go and be myself around people that they won’t accept me for me. I want so badly to be accepted and loved that a lot of the time I try to change who I am. It’s okay to change things about yourself, but not if the only reason is because you think someone else will like you better for it. Somehow I need to ingrain this into my head. I know I’m probably not the only one that that struggles with this, but sometimes it sure feels like it. I look around at all these beautiful girls who appear confident and appear to have it all together and then I see me and practically see the opposite. I just feel awkward all the time and I think what is wrong with me? 

I feel horrible for feeling this way, I feel like it’s a slap in the face of God because He made me who I am and God does not make mistakes. Psalm 139:14 "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." I need to be looking ultimately to God for this love and acceptance I desire because only He can give that unconditional love and no matter how I act or how much I mess up, He still loves and accepts me for me. And this is comforting to know that even if everyone hated me (which isn’t true, but if it was) God would still be there with open arms waiting for me to run in. This is just something that God is continually working with me on.

It's been a year...

Last year at this time I was preparing to go to Australia and anxiously awaiting the day of departure. Now I am back at Simpson. It's been an interesting adjusting period. Everyone asks about Australia and it's a challenge to know what to tell them. How long of an answer do they want? I want to tell them all my stories, but at the same time I don't want to bore them and for most of the stories they would be meaningless to those who weren't there when they were actually happening. The more time goes on the more I realize that while I was in Australia, though I was having the time of my life, I was also constantly thinking of people back home missing them, but now that I'm back home I constantly think about the people who I was with in Australia and wishing I could go back with those people and about how many more things I could have done while in Australia. Why is it so hard to just live in the present where I'm at and enjoy the here and now rather than always dwelling on the past and wishing I could go back to it?

Though only in Australia for four short months, it definitely did take some adjusting coming back to the states. Even just little things, but things like remembering which side of the car to get in and not freaking out when it looks like no one's driving....lol. Things like having to go to class three times a week instead of once a week, not being able to just catch a bus/train or ferry to go on random cool adventures with friends or by myself, not being able to simply go to the beach to do homework whenever I feel like it and things like not going out and doing stuff with friends almost every day and night.

I recently joined a program with a group at Simpson where we read through the Bible in 90 days. We read about 12 pages a day and then once a week we all meet for discussion and there's a video we watch with a speaker. This along with resources to help us makes it so it's not simply reading through the Bible but helping us engage in it as well. I have only just started but I am super excited to see where God takes me on this journey. Some people might ask why you would want to read the whole Bible and my answer is that I want to know the Bible in it's entirety, to be more familiar with it and I hope it will draw me closer to my Savior Jesus Christ. Also, when people in my life ask me a question about Jesus or the Bible I want to be able to better answer the question and better direct them on where to look in Scriptures. While in Australia, I had a couple instances where someone on the street in passing heard our American accents and started talking with us. We mentioned that we went to Westley University which led to talking about how we are Christians. One instance in particular, a woman began telling us her story and asking lots of questions and I found myself unsure of how to best answer. Thankfully my friend with me answered with specific verse in the Bible and other knowledge about Jesus that comes from a closer relationship with Him and from knowing His word. This instance really encouraged me to strive to learn more and more so I can better answer questions that are thrown at me.

I hope to continue to update this blog as the semester continues, but we'll see how busy I get.

New Zealand

Once again, I apologize for the delay of this post and it is kinda long overdue, but I still want to post it.

Sunday June 14th all of us ASCers met outside of Wesley ready to set off on a new adventure, but sad to leave the life we'd made the last four months in Australia. It was hard saying goodbye, especially since I knew that the odds of seeing them again are pretty slim.

We arrived in Aukland, New Zealand after an uneventful 3ish hour flight. There was rolling green hills everywhere!! It was so BEAUTIFUL! All the green and hills made me realize how much I had missed home. After collecting all our bags and getting through customs (thankfully there weren't too many snags at customs, just a few minor ones) we were off to the YHA we were staying at for the night.

Monday, June 15th we headed to a town called Whakatani (pronouned Fahkahtahnee) which was a few hour bus ride away. There we stayed at a Maori (the native people of New Zealand) village. The Maori have a sacred house (like our church) that they call a Marae. This is the building we slept in, they had mattresses laid out in rows on the floor, boys on one side, girls on the other (for the most part anyway). Interacting with this Maori family was a lot of fun, I learned alot about their culture and it was very interesting.

Tuesday we began the journey back to Aukland, but stopped in Rotorua for the night. We stopped at another Maori village where in one of their churches they have a famous window with an etching of Jesus that's pretty neat. Jesus is etched into the window, but when you look at it you see him against the view outside the window and if you look at the right angle it looks like he's walking on water. We also went to a Maori cultural show where we got to experience a traditional hangi meal, and some traditional Maori ceremonies. The thermal resort we stayed at in Rotorua had a natural hot springs hot tub that was a lot of fun, though it smelled like rotten eggs because of the sulfur.

Wednesday we completed our journey back to Aukland. On the drive back we stopped in Hobbiton, the town where some of Lord of the Rings was filmed. However, to get technical, the movie was filmed on a farm just outside of Hobbiton, and you have to pay lots of money to go out to that farm, but the town is now called Hobbiton. We also stopped at a place called Te Puia where we saw a geyser and lots of other natural thermal areas. We stayed the night in the same hostel in Aukland we stayed in the first night.

Thursaday we went to a place called Laidlaw Mountain where we were going to hike up and look at some ruins of a city, however, I had been having issues with my foot (shoes with bad support and it had been hurting pretty bad) so Kimberly (the ASC director) had me stay behind in the bus. I had a nice long chat with the bus driver though, I got to hear all kinds of stories about trips he'd been on, groups he'd had in the bus, etc.

Friday was our free day, we could do anything we wanted to. I started out shopping a bit with some of the group, but we got split up so I went off by myself to explore Aukland more. I had a map and found several parks around and began to head towards one. I walked to several different ones before I found one that was what I wanted.....peaceful, off the beaten track, and with good places to sit. I found a nice tree, climbed up in it and jornaled and just sat and relaxed for quite a while.

Saturday we again packed up all our stuff and returned to Aukland airport. These goodbyes were even harder than Australia because we had to say goodbye to Kimberly, Melanie, and Matt and we said our goodbyes to each other there too in case we didn't get a chance in the confusion at LAX. I pretty much bawled my eyes out.....yep that sums it up. The flight back was super long, even though it was only 12 hours (which was 2 hours shorter than our flight to Australia) it felt like an eternity. I didn't sleep at all and I was boxed in by sleeping elderly people. I watched 5 1/2 movies. This was the day I got to live twice. We left the Aukland airport at around 3pm on Saturday, June 20th, were on a plane for 12hours, then arrived in LAX at around 7am Saturday, June 20th. Weird. A bunch of us went to Chantel's house from the airport for something to do during our layovers. Her mom made us breakfast, it was amazing, though we all fell asleep all over her living room floor. I however, didn't go back to the airport. My aunt and uncle, who live nearby, picked me up.

I spent a few days with my aunt and uncle and got to see my cousins and their new baby and got to hang out with my other cousin. Then on Tuesday, June 23rd, they drove me to the Long Beach airport and I flew home. And that ends the most amazing 4 month journey ever!

The Last Few Weeks in Sydney

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted, the last two months were crazy busy!

Here are the pictures I took for my final photography portfolio:

I went surfing for the first time ever! I wasn't very good at it, but it was such a fun experience. I almost got up a couple times, but my timing was a bit off. On one wave, I fell off the board, only to be pummeled by the next 3 waves and somewhere in that time, my board hit me in the head right above my eye. Thankfully it wasn't bad, but it did bleed, haha, a battle wound.

I also did the Harbor Bridge Climb where I climbed up over the Sydney Harbor Bridge. It was such an awesome experience! By the time we got to the top it was dark outside so the city lights were spectacular. We also got to see what they call the "black rainbow". The lights under the Harbor Bridge are so bright that they cast the bridge's shadow in the night sky, it was so cool to see! It was also super windy at the top so that made it more fun as well.

The last Wednesday at Wesley, we had our chapel time (The Gathering) outside and it was a BBQ. Well, my trip to school this day involves yet another crazy bus story. I was walking to the bus stop and I was only a few feet away when I saw the bus drive by. So, I sprinted to the bus stop in hopes that I would catch the bus. I reached the stop while the bus still had it's doors open so I approached the steps and right as I was about to step up into the bus, the driver shut the doors, in my face I might add, and drove off. He wasn't even late or anything, in fact he was early so I don't know why he was in such a hurry and why he so rudely slammed the doors in my face. So, I ended up having to wait for the next bus and consequently that made me late to The Gathering.

The Friday before we left, Charlie (one of the ASCers) threw a party at his house and a whole bunch of Aussie's came and also most of the Americans. It was super fun, but hard to say goodbye to some of the Aussies.

The Rest of the Super Long One

Saturday I had my service placement again. This time we started off by going to one ladies apartment and cleaning windows. When we'd finished she had lunch waiting for us, she was super nice! Service placement has been so good! I am really glad I was placed where I was.

Sunday I went with Amy and my host brother Anthony to the Salvation Army church. It was interesting, I thought at first I'd come to the wrong place because the person up front was reading verses in Chinese, but then it went back to English and all was good.

Monday the Indigenous section of the ASC class started and we have an Aboriginal teacher named Jennifer. She's really fun, we drew pictures of how the Aborigines believe the land got settled. i'm really excited for this portion of the class and to learn more about the Aborigine culture.

Tuesday a bunch of us went over to the guys house to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. We had chips and salsa and guacamole. Mexican food is very rare over here, so it was nice to have a taste of it again. We played several games of Mafia, it was lots of fun!

Wednesday I had a New Testament paper due (yes, I do actually have school work over here) so I was scrambling to finish that up. For this paper we had to take a passage in Mark and find it's parallel in Matthew and/or Luke and compare and contrast them. It was really interesting. Wednesday night I went over to the guys house and hung out for a while. We were there until 3 in the morning and by that point none of them wanted me to walk home alone, so I went home with some of the other girls and spent the night at their house then left early the next morning to get home.

Thursday I went with Amy and Jess around the city to make a movie. We stopped at Westfield shopping center in Burwood and rode in shopping carts and such up and down their escalator ramp thingys, then stopped by school and filmed some around there. Then we went into the city and swam in several different fountains, Hyde Park fountain being our main destination. It was super fun! Thursday night was movie night, we watched The Castle, well, most people watched it, I kinda slept throught the whole thing. I want to watch it though, I hear it's really good. After movie night we went over to the guys house yet again and hung out for a while.

Friday was an interesting day. For class we were meeting in the city at a museum. Amy and I went to catch a bus to the city, but the bus was 20 minutes late. That was the first thing that went wrong with the bus. Second, we were in the city and the bus turned in one direction that made Amy and I questions whether we were on the right bus or not, we were pretty sure we were, but we decided we should make sure. So, I stood up to go up and ask the bus driver. We were at a red light at the time, but as soon as I stood up the light turned green and the bus driver floored it, jerking the bus forward. I reached out to grab the bars, but missed and went flying backwards down the aisle of the bus past about 4-5 rows of seats and landed in the back sprawled out on the floor. Don't worry I wasn't hurt too badly, it was more shocking and funny then anything. I just banged up my knee pretty good, that's all. Third, on the buses here you have to press a button signalling to the driver that you want off at the next stop, otherwise they don't stop. So, I press the button so the driver would stop at the next stop where Amy and I needed to get off for the museum. We got to the stop and the driver looked back at us and kept driving. We said "excuse me, we wanted off there" but he kept on driving and driving all the way down the road and around the corner to the next stop. By that time Amy and I were in the front of the bus telling the driver that we had wanted off at the last stop. Well, he starts yelling, yes, literally yelling, at us saying that we didn't tell him we wanted off there and he'd asked if that was where we wanted off but that we didn't answer, etc. etc. Well, if he did ask us, we didn't hear him and what the heck are the buttons for if not to signal that that's where we wanted to stop, why did he think we pressed the button, for fun? Anyway, he was still yelling as Amy and I just decided to walk off the bus. He was an awful bus driver. Despite all that, we made it just in the nick of time. The Australian museum was neat. There was a whole bunch on Aboriginals as well as other many cool exhibits, such as skeletons, dinosaurs, jewels, etc. After the mueseum, we proceeded to the NSW Art Gallery and were shown around the Aboriginal art by our teacher Jennifer. We also got to see this new exhibit that had just been put up and wouldn't be opening till the next day, but Jennifer new one of the workers who let us go down and check it out! It was cool! Friday evening a group of us went to the Opera House for the Message Sticks Indigenous Film Festival to watch a bunch of short films made by Indigenous people. It was free to get in and it was in the Opera House, so why not go?? It was really interesting and I really enjoyed the films. Each of them had a strong message to share about Aborigine's and their culture.

Saturday I had service placement again. I woke up and realized I couldn't really move my neck, I could a little bit to the right, but not at all to the left and it even hurt just to hold my head up sraight, I had to tilt it slightly to the right. This was whiplash as a result of falling on the bus the day before. Despite this lack of mobility, I still went to service placement and I'm really glad I did, it was an amazing day! We re-visited this elderly couple we'd seen back towards when I first started. Dick and Vivian. They are such a sweet couple; they have the kind of relationship I want when I'm older. They have been married over 50 years!!

Sunday I was going to go to Hillsong with Jess, but her bus came early and she missed it so I didn't end up going to that. Instead, I went to meet up with a few other ASCers at the Opera House for more Message Sticks stuff. This time it wasn't short films, it was one longer film called Barking Waters. It was interesting, not the greatest filming quality, but the story was good. From there we went to a local theater to see the movie callled Samson and Delilah. It's a story about two Aboriginal teenagers and their journey. It was a fantastic movie! Very strong message!

This is a LONG one!

Wow, sorry it's been so long since I last posted, I have been crazy busy. Get ready for a long one, cause a lot has happened.

Going back to Monday, April 20th....I had my group project for my ASC class. I was talking about Australian art. My group focused on two artists: Syndey Nolan and Rosalie Gascoigne. Sydney Nolan is most known for his series of paintings on Ned Kelley (an Irish man that was very mistreated by the Austrlian police). Rosalie Gascoigne takes things she find laying around in Australia and puts them together to make art. She arranges them in such a way to portray the Australian landscape in which she found them. Both of these artists are really interesting, and I would encourage anyone reading this blog to google them and view a few of their works.

Tuesday I had my first exam since coming to Australia. It was in my Theological Foundations class. I was really nervous about it because I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't do too badly which is nice. Amy and I walked to school this morning. It was a really nice walk, and more reliable than the buses because we controlled when we left and the speed we walked and there was no traffic on the sidewalks...haha. It took us about 1 1/2 hours to walk; it's 6.4 kilometers. After my Theology class I went to a Thai restaurant just down the road with all the Theology professors and some other students because it was free Theology lunch day where Theology students could go eat lunch at this restaurant and the professors pay for it all. I got Chicken Pad Thai and it was AMAZING! I LOVE Thai food and it'd been a while since I'd had it so it was extra good! From there I walked back home. Tuesday night I went to a bible study at a friends house in Concord. Normally, I would take a bus all the way to their house, but I wasn't paying attention and got off way early and had to walk about 20 minutes to their house. So, all together I walked about 10 miles in one day!

Friday we didn't have to be at school until noon because it was the day we were leaving for our outback trip and we weren't leaving until 12:30pm. We were headed out to the back of Bourke at a place called Trilby Station. The total driving time was 12 hours and we split it up into two days. Friday, the first leg of the journey, we drove 6 hours to a little town called Dubbo and stayed at a little motel called Matilda's Motor Inn. Saturday we got off to an early start and drove for 6 more hours to Trilby Station. I had expected red soil at this station because that's what I pictured there being in the outback: red soil. On the drive out there, there was lots of red soil, but at the station it was a light brown. We found out this is because it floods in certain areas and where it floods the soil is light brown, so there were parts of the property that were light brown and parts that were red. The owners of this station, Liz and Gary Murray, own over 200,000 acres and they raise sheep for wool. At the moment, they have about 17,000 sheep. We stayed in the shearers bunkhouses, however, several people slept outside on a tarp under the stars. I slept outside the first night. It was amazing, the stars were SOOOOO beautiful and I saw so many shooting stars. Saturday night at campfire we had s'mores, but they were interesting s'mores because they don't have graham crackers here, so we had to use these ones that were similar and the marshmallows here are different, more sugary, less gooey and creamy if that makes sense. Also, instead of milk chocolate, we had white chocolate bars to use. They were yummy!

Sunday we had our own little worship service type thing where we sang songs, read some Bible passages and talked a bit. After that a group of us went out to explore the property some. The flies were not too, bad but still annoying, very persistent. I had a fly net, but I never used it. If the flies would have been much worse I would have used it though. It was really not that warm and a bit windy which helped keep the number of flies down. Sunday night I went with half the group on a drive around the property to look for Kangaroos. We didn't see that many, only about 5 or so, but we
also saw wild goats, wild cats and bunny rabbits.

Monday afternoon we split into two groups and got taken on a tour of the property. I was in the second group and was in Liz's car. We saw tons of Kangaroos, they would just be chilling in the middle of the road until we drove up and then they'd run to the side, but if we slowed down and stopped, they would stop too, so we could look at them and take pics and stuff, it was cool! A few of the Kangaroos had baby joeys in their pouches. We saw all kinds of stuff on their property: an old double-decker bus, the old farm house where they used to live, a dam, etc. Liz cooked for us the whole time we were there and she made some AMAZING food! We had a beef and veggie stew one night, for breakfast every morning we'd have toast and eggs, for dessert we had things like an apple crisp, dumplings with a carmel sauce, custard, some type of cake similar to rum cake, etc. YUM! However, we ate like 6 times a day (breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, dessert) so by the time I left I felt so over full, I felt like I could go without food for a whole week I ate so much! But at least we were well fed.

Tuesday we begin our long trek home, this time we split the drive up unevenly. We drove for about 8 hours this time. On the way we stopped in Bourke and visited this new cultural center that had just opened. We drove all the way to a town called Bathurst and stayed at a place called the Bathurst Sheep and Cattle Drome.

Wednesday morning we got to watch the animals perform. The people put on a cd with special music on and the sheep, cows, horses, donkeys, and goats would run in and go right to their labeled spots on the platform. It was amazing! They were well trained. Then we got to watch a sheep being sheared, some of the group got to try milking a cow, we got to hold a baby lamb, try to crack whips, etc. It was a lot of fun! We stopped in the Blue Mountains for lunch. They are so pretty, I am definitely going back and hiking in them at some point before this semester ends! They aren't really what we'd call mountains back in the states though, more like rock formations with deep valleys in between.

Thursday I went with Amy into the city. We went to the Rocks so I could look for an Opal necklace and just explore a bit. Opals are native to Australia and it's my birthstone, so I wanted to get one as a special momento. The place we found was rather expensive so we started walking back from where we came from. On the way, we found a jewelry store that was having sales so I went in. I found an Opal necklace that I really liked and it ended up being only $28 American ($40 AUD). Originally, it was $110AUD, but it was half price so $55 AUD and then the lady gave me a discount because it was my birthstone. I was super excited to find it! Then, right next door, there was a store with all kinds of Aboriginal art and such in it and it was closing down the next day so they were also having super sales. I found several things there for people back home as well as myself. And they were all directly from Aboriginal people, so they were very much authentic.

Friday was the start of the Aboriginal portion of the ASC class. We took a field trip to La Perouse in Botany Bay and were shown around by an Aborigianl guide. We went through the bush, along the cliffs overlooking Botany Bay. It was gorgeous! We learned about history and different plants we could eat or not eat.